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Sunday, July 31, 2005


Jul 31 2005 --- I suffer from an illness ....


okie ... here i m at 3plus am on a sunday morning ... after indulging myself in nice cheese cake (and yes ... i think it is really nice) and some juices in front of the PC ... i decided upon the title of this post and ya lah ... i arent sleeping yet ... i arent tired yet ... i arent anything ... juz feel like working my fingers and type away ... yes .. despite it being using a few fingers to type ... ya ... i cant do proper typing ... so what ? =P

initially thot that i shall come up with a topic that draws attention ... hmmm ... then i realised ... wat crap was that ... come on ... not many pple read my blog anyway ... only that really mere handful ... who is gonna be attracted to my silly title ... afterall ... it doesnt take 'viewers' to click on my topic to find out more lor ... hahaha ... anyway juz for the fun of it ... no lah ... i m not really ill ... i suffer from an illness called Habitual ... okie ... what in the hell is the illness about ? Habitual is an illness caused by a routine formed or acquired by habit as explained by Dr Tan (after looking up the dictionary haha) ... which happen
to be me ... hmmm ... ya lah ... i dun really call it a bad nor good thing but juz that sometimes things get rather routined and the 'patient' becomes very skeptical to changes ... hmmm ... is it one of my PMS mood again ?? no lah ... not really ... juz some feelings that i m having ... nono ... i m definately not displeased with myself ... yet ... juz that i think i do indeed hav 'symptoms' that points toward me having such an illness ...

1) Habitual monday blues
hmmm ... i m happy at work ... i really am ... i hav no qualms about making it my home ... i dun have the urge to rush home after work ... i dun mind slugging ard my workstation staring at my load ... i dun mind staring blankly and aimlessly ... i juz love being there ... but whenever monday comes ... i still have this habit to say ... hey i m having monday blues ... and i wear blue on mondays ...

2) Habitual saying yes
once there was 2 frens of mine commenting among themselves and said that i duno how to say no and i duno how to reject pple ... yes ... indeed i m not the fabulous but if it is within my means .. y say no ?? ended up a lot of times i tend to go beyond my own abilities and say yes yes yes ... not that i mind but well sometimes i dun mind 'sacrificing' myself if it can help another ... duh of coz i arent that noble and it doesnt apply in very remarkable situation but sometimes isnt it juz the little thing someone do for u that really touched u deep down ?? =)

3) Habitual pubbing
hmmm ... i still remembered my Vesak Day resolution that i gonna stop pubbing to deal with more crucial issues but i guess in the end it didnt last long ... or sld i say if it did even last shortly ... hmmm ... became a habit and ya ... pubbing for the sake of doing so ... it has become a subconscious thingy that weekend = pubbing ... only difference is ... where do i pub this weekend ...

4) Habitual SS
hmmm ... for those ard me ... they shld know that i S when i pub ... i S when i m with others who S ... those who were same batch as me shld know that i dun S when i was working initially till when another batch came in and i blended in and S with them ... S-ing is not my habit but ya ... when the circumstances arises ... i juz feel natural to start S-ing ...

5) Habitual procastinating
it was an all along plan to lose weight ... yes ... hahaha ... many hav hear until sian already ... my dieting dun last ... my healthy lifestyle dun last ... hmmm ... many a time i will indulge myself saying that it will be the last before i really work on dieting (including the cheese cake i juz had) but well ... i know i dun look nice ... i know i m fat ... but maybe come the day when i cant accept myself ... ya lah ... i will practice determination then ...

6) Habitual PMS mood
it seems like a cycle (ya i know PMS is suppose to be a cycle) whereby things start going wrong juz when it was looking good ... hmmm ... maybe it is the excessive good things that has happened that made other happenings look relatively bad ?? somehow i will 'find' a reason to bring myself down when things are looking good ... i wan to go down myself than to have something to happen and bring me down ... the difference being ... if it is something that i choose to bring myself down with then i most prob already hav the solution to reverse it ... if it is really something that comes naturally ... maybe i will b crumbled by it ...

7) Habitual late nights
i want to sleep early ... i really dun mind that ... but somehow it juz isnt me to stop being an nite owl ... many a times i hav 'met' pple online at wee hrs and the typical qn that was popped was "y so late liao still haven sleep? wat u doing online?" ... typical answer "nothing lor ... juz staring at the screen ... lying on my PC chair ..." yes ... that is juz so me ... i dun hav a
prob with lying on my reclined PC chair and drift off to sleep while the PC stares at me ... nothing to do also muz sit in front of PC ... wonder if i will get updated on PC stuff juz by staying close to it ?? -_- hahaha

8) Habitual pampering
i think there wasnt much part of my life that i dun hav a xiao mei mei by my side ... ya ... some hav come n go ... nothing happening ... juz that i hav the urge n need in me to shower pampering on someone ... nah ... i m not good enuff to get a gf and of coz i dun think i will be a good bf anyway ... juz someone that i purely pamper and care for ... someone who yearns for pampering while waiting for her knight in shiny armour to fetch her on a white horse ... ya ... the cycle had rarely stopped ... wat's the point of doing that ?? maybe it does bring them some nice memories ?? afterall like i said ... it's the little things that touched another deep down =)

ya lah ... at the end of the day ... from my work to life to mood to leisure to activities ... everything is sorta done habitually ... can i conclude i suffer from habitual ?? hmmm ... at least Dr Tan feels so ... maybe the patient will start on some 'medicine' soon to change that ... making life more adhoc ... and maybe add some elements of surprise to it ...

okie ... 4 plus am ... time to habitually sleep now ... hahaha ... see wat i mean ??? Habitual -__-"


KeL speaks @3:36 AM                                    _`天注定`_