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Thursday, September 29, 2011


Sep 28 2011 --- Of the expectations ...


into my final phase with current co ... sometimes i think life is really an irony ... my last month here passed by fast ... and as the days goes by i feel myself sadder ... most of the pple i talked with jested with me asking if i m happily counting down ... my heart says no ... well ... i probably did not regret resigning lah ... but then it seems like after a big round i m probably back to square one =.=

one of the main reason i changed job is the feeling of tiredness after cheonging the years here ... dare not say that i had strived my best but probably relatively better than most of fellow colleagues here ... i know i earned wat i had achieved here ... but ever since every little things start to have my share in them ... i felt like it is getting nowhere already ... probably time to relax abit and slow myself down ... took the first step and sent resumes which at the end ... landed myself up in a job which is of close proximity from home ... well ... i was planning to go in with the intention to stay low profile ... dun kpo ... juz dun be the worst among the lot kinda mindset ... things took a twist ...

first ... being a fellow SB ... my new co actually did a referencing check with my current co ... HR fwd the enquiry to my DH and well ... that exposed my next stop ... and apparently my DH was surprised that i had abandoned here for another SB ... but since things are alrdy the way it is ... she still supported my decision to leave ... of coz she cannot stop me from leaving but getting her support is heart warming despite me being of the views that my r/s with her is one which we have mutual uses for each other ... she went on to give quite good comments of me to HR who in turn replied accordingly to my new co ... my first thoughts was that i probably cannot go there and screw up ... her comments had probably in a way or another raised the new co's expectation of my performance ... that is something i do not want but i cannot stop ... that was something i wasnt expecting ... i do know that fellow SB does referencing but in my few jobs with various SB and M ... i never keena the check before ... or maybe i did but no one actually told me about it except for here ... DH is nice to me i would say and to have her staking her reputation to my new co that this fellow can work is stressful ... do not want to let her down ... but if i m going to cheong there ... WTF do i resign for ??? =.= i might as well juz stay here since the level of commitment is gonna be the same ... grrrr ... really is WTF .......

i thought that was bad enuff ... but ever since they did a referencing check ... my next stop kinda exposed ... pple started to know where i was heading to ... and well ... the usual care n concern came ... some pple were telling me they have frens there blah blah blah etc etc ... best part ... one of my colleague has a fren who is one of the head there ... by designation it sound big lah ... but i think she probably jus slightly above manager or something like that ... this nice colleague of mine actually whatsapp her fren and i saw an extract of what the conversation is ... i sweated ... she actually told her fren that they found a gem ... i am one of the best exec in finance and i can work well ... ok ... i really appreciated the nice words and gestures ... but but but ... another person betted on me to do well ... wah lau !!!! thats NOT my intention in changing job lor =.= i think if i go there and have to slog juz to live up to expectations of pple here ... i would really feel stupidier and stupidier day after day wondering y did i bother to leave in the first place ...

grrrr .... well ... lamenting and more lamenting .... well ... there are certain things which i cant FB about ... always thankful that i have this tiny blog which can say wat i cannot say on FB ...
2 more days till end of tenure ... hope things will fall into place ... if this change is a miscalculation ... its gonna be darn complicating!!! =X


KeL speaks @9:07 AM                                    _`天注定`_