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Tuesday, July 20, 2004


July 20 2004 --- Sickly


*yawnz* tuesday already ... at least it isnt a monday to begin with ... kekeke ... ya ... but seems like a monday to me nevertheless coz sat got to work ... been a real long time since i last worked on sat on a regular basis i think ... ya ... but for next 3 ... yes 3 ... sat all will be working -__- hai ... wat to do ... all the funny funny events coming up ... gonna make a trip to bintan in august also ... hmm ... cant forget the face my manager was showing and trying to tell me how lucky i was to be able to go overseas for workshop with them after joing for juz a while ... and i was like "erm ... compulsary ah ??" hahaha ... hmmm ... doesnt really appeal to me anyway ... but got to go ... hai ... too bad ... that weekend happens to be mike's bday ... hmmm ... wanted to celebrate for him de ... but guess it is burnt ... unless i manage to make the management forget about my existence then hahaha ... i gonna try that for sure ... coz i feel that everyone is also waitg for things to be done nia ... so i shant take initiative then see can siam or not =D hmm ... a rainy late morning today .... ya lah ... ended up didnt go for lunch coz lazy to take umbrella ... and didnt want to get into the rain also lah ... fell sick ... yes ... again ... hmmm ... all thanks to my sweet colleague who went on mc and conveniently left the virus behind -__-" i mean it isnt her fault that i got it since i dun see other pple getting it .... and the clinic was closed when i wanted to see a doc after work ... hai ... self medication first liao ... but i think nothing serious de lah ... juz that mummy will nag nag saying dun everytime cough cough cough ... as if i want it ? -_-" hmmm ... days r passing without me even knowing anyway ... been too dead to think also ... life is quite enjoyable and at times quite dead ... ya lah ... quite extreme ... either i feel so down cooping myself one corner with thots bursting in the head or simply go clubhse n chill out and forget everything over a drink or two ... ya lah ... now everytime also clubhse ... think quite nice to relax one corner and forget about everything ... maybe i still haben gotten used to the early working hours ba ... now still sleeping those 2-3 am timing so didnt really get much sleep ... luckily at work is quite ok ... not much constant supervision kinda ... only meeting deadlines and looking for help when u r stuck ... so i guess ... so far so good ... quite happy there ba ... although still a bit away from knowing all the people there but can lah ... seeing more smiles n nodding of heads everyday .... those nodding of heads hav evolved to saying good morning ... and those morning ones r having casual chats now n then with me ... slowly slowly lah ... hmmm ... ya lah ... dun really know wat i m thinking lately le ... in fact i quite like the feeling of having no time to think also ... hmmm ... no need to grow white hair ... every morning get up is prepare go work ... then workplace is gainfully employed with little time for 'entertainment' ... ya lah ... not like my time at the old company where i had toruble finding pple to talk to me on msn at times ... at the new place ... hahaha ... totally blocked out ... so ya lah ... no need to log so many things ... i still got chat lah ... but no msn so ya lah ... slower ... so not so frequent ... anyway ... i m beginning to leave office later n later le ... hmm ... ok lah ... i reach there everyday is cfm early de ... but the environment i still quite like it .... so hai hao lor =) ... hmmm ... tired tired ... mentally tired ... physically tired ... emotionally tired ... too much worries too much troubles ... too much of things that shldnt be there ... today talked to a fren who got back from uk ... hmmm ... met with an accident and lost part the memory ... hmmm ... didnt really recall who i was also ... juz vaguely remembered ... hmmm ... i asked wat it is like to lose ur memory ... and interestingly to know ... the reply i got was a word "fun" .... i was stumped ... totally ... i asked y ?? ... "it is sometimes interesting to search for ur own past ... only when u looked at ur past carefully then will u know exactly how u shld carry on with it ... and also ... some things r better left forgotten than remembered" ... hmmm ... i agreed with the first part that we seldom look at our past in details ... hmmm ... logical though ... y shld we be looking at something that we feel that we know it well ?? it's only when u duno about it then will u look at it carefully ... laugh at ur own silliness and make it a point not to repeat it again ... as for the second part ... hmm ... memories be it good or bad ... is all sweet to me ... it somehow makes up part of my life at times and mould me into who i m today ... words heard or messages seen today may be hurtful but it may well be a teaching point tomolo ... an omen ... a sign ... a signal to make ur next move and take the next step ... i still believe in my meant to be ... seriously do ... but maybe wat i believe to be my meant to be isnt the meant to be  He has for me ... hmmm ... ya lah ...time will tell ... hurts will heal ... but scarring and cracks will never be gone ... the next time u say a hurtful sentence to someone ... remember that u can say sorry ... and the other person can forgive ... but it will be something that cant be erased nor forgotten ... every sentences juz add to the number of cracklines and scars until it becomes redundant ... remember ... even if a person doesnt love u the way u wan him/her to ...  it doenst mean that he/she doesnt love u with all that he/she has ... ya lah ... now besides emotionally/physically/mentally tired ... plus one more ... fingers tired ... hahaha ... shall rest early =D 
 
Quoted 14 July "I dun wan anybody. to interrupt into my quiet life now. I just want to be alone. bu yao anyone to lai guan wo. I just want to be alone. alone. "



KeL speaks @10:36 PM                                    _`天注定`_