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Friday, August 06, 2004


Aug 6 2004 --- Is it ...


*yawnz* another of those late night that all i hav is laptop with me and of coz got to do work kinda day -__- ... hai ... sometimes really make me wonder if i made the right decision to change my job initially ... basically up till now i can tell myself that for the pay difference ... shld be worth it ba ... endure endure ba ... hmm ... so fast and i m into the 4th week of my new job le ... i still feel so so very new ... but already approaching one month le ... hmmm ... ya lah ... next week my fellow MSO will be last week le ... hai ... she no good wor ... i come in third day and she tendered already -__- ... hai ... i wonder if the boss really so jialat ... hmmm ... ya lah ... one thing for sure ... i dun like her too but but i guess somehow i gotta endure ... this job means nothing to me ... but i guess the pay means something ba ... at least let me try the feeling of getting bonus lor ... my whole worklife never take bonus before wor ... pathetic lor .... ya lah ... but that was be year end liao lor ... ya lah ... think i will try all my might to endure lah ... first for the bonus ... and second is to get the big big big bungalow chalet for xmas =D .... kekeke ... ya lah ... my side dun lack pple working in stat board or big firms where there are chalet benefits ... but i guess the rate i m getting it is indeed appealing lor =D .... so so so ... ya lah ... i will try my best to endure ba ... but seeing that so fast already one month liao ... shld be ok ba .... *keeping fingers crossed* ... hmmm ... juz now mood wasnt too good ... duno y ... maybe juz didnt feel good ... kinda snapped at jeff ... hmmm .. feel so bad ... subsequently ... mike also called ... then i no mood entertain him also ... hmmm .... think i really need to tidy my attitude le ... i guess work contributed to it but i think it isnt a good reason at all lah ... hmm ... maybe shld make myself relax more ba ... but now hai quite ok le ... was suppose to meet some frens for dinner tomolo .... but ya lah ... duno how yet ... guess always last minute de lor so if really wan to decide now ... also quite hard lah .... see tomolo de work how first lor ... someone asked me what i feel about the preaching that love is letting someone go and if he/she comes back ... then the person is meant for u ... hmmm ... i replied her that i sorta believe ba ... next was "will u do that??" ... hmm ... stunned me a while ... i simply said "wo bu pa rang bie de nan ren dui ta hao lor ... coz wo yi ding bu hui shu gei bie de nan ren de" ... but well ... on top of that kinda declaration i also made my words clear lah ... seriously i perceived myself as a person who can really let a person go and see if she ever comes back ... hmmm ... not totally able to do so all the time ... at least 80% ba ... but sometimes it is not juz a being good to someone kinda thing ... i heard a nice story that teaches "just becoz someone dun love u they way u wan them to doesnt mean that they dun love u" ... ya lah ... the crux of the thing is that "chong ai" is 2 words that can never win a 1 word "ai" by itself ... u may chong ai someone ... but someone ai bei ren ... ya lor ... ur 10x chong ai for a person u love may only be equivalent to say maybe 1% of the chong ai given by the person whom the person u love loves ... that's it ... no fight de lor ... so nothing much to fight for isnt it ? juz need to understand and look open lor ... the thing about pple who cant look open mah ... basically one word ... selfish ... ya lah ... that's all i can say lah ... isnt it unfair that pple cant do things u r doing ?? the fact that the person u love is loving someone else is jus like the way u r loving ur that one isnt it ?? so the next time a person complains to u that y is it that i treat him/her so good but he/she doesnt appreciate ??? pls tell the complainee that the person he/she loves is having the same doubts too .... he/she also cant understand y the person dun love him/her back ... before asking y the person oneself love cant accept oneself ... try asking oneself if oneself had truefully and sincerely given others who loved oneself any chances at all ? if no ... then y is oneself expecting others to give oneself what oneself failed to give others ne ?? ... not fair rite ?? hahaha ... maybe some pple out there gonna say "love or life was never fair to begin with" ... ya lah ... love is all a game ... a battle ... where every player hav their lifeline and willpower ... one who hadnt lose control can deploy and redeploy as n when needed .... where the stronger one stand tall among the rest ... the weaker ones whimper in a corner .... i guess loving someone and not being loved back is juz a part of my cycle ... hahaha ... if those who crossed my path had loved me when i loved them ... ya lah ... maybe i m already settled down now le ... who knows ... ya lah ... wo xiang xing you yi tian hui you yi ge gerger lai zhen xi wo dui ta de chong ai ... the pampering i give her will be the all of me ... yi ding yi ding =D ... juz that when will she appear nia lor ... hmmm ... hopefully she's somewhere near ... or maybe she is ?? ya lah ... meanwhile ... time to get back to do my work ... if not really no need sleep le .... niteZzz !~!

~!~ thr eews anc oewhn e itrly ulv oey oubt unw o ilvd oehr e ~!~


KeL speaks @12:34 AM                                    _`天注定`_