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Monday, April 18, 2011


April 18 2011 --- Hard Truth


hmmm ... had been a tiring weekend last week and this week till now ... friday is public holiday and well ... long weekend~~ will be away at kukup with some of the company's peeps ... not sure if i really gonna be able to enjoy myself amidst this audit peak period and fighting deadlines ... plus diminishing staffing strength ... ok ... i m really keen to stay back in sg to catch up on backlog that is building up ... ok ... u muz be wondering why the hell i always have backlogs one right ??? well ... even i m doubting myself ... if its me or wat ........ maybe that explains the title ... hard truth =X

ok lah ... not totally due to that ... had been a interesting period for me ... well ... gotten some insider info or confirmations kinda stuff ... well ... company promotion is due in jul ... well ... my remote probability isnt coming true ... yea ... i do have that little tingling hope that i can get it but well ... i m probably still not good enuff i guess ... will be at my current position for 2 years by june ... well ... did i expect another promo too fast ? maybe i did ... but then when comparing to peers who had gotten there within the timeframe ... i cant help feeling if i m inferior to them ... hmmm ... dun think so ... at least i m surely not the worst among all ... ohh well .. comparatively ... they have a degree though ... i know i dun but then isnt my position a diploma post to begin with ? *roll eyes* doesnt matter lah ... i wasnt harbouring much hope anyway and i have to be honest that i didnt perform a very good workyear to deserve one anyway ~~ good news is ... ok ... not exactly good news ... more like deserving news ~~ H will be promoted ... that one i m kinda sure .... super confirm plus chop ... hope that makes a nice pre maternity news for her ~ its kinda overdue for her level actually ... but well ... at least she gotten the best PB payout in march compared to peers so hope its a tiny little consolation for her ba ... especially since she wouldnt be leaving the organisation for the time being ... it would act as a little spur on for her maybe ?

hard truth part 2 ... well well ... i m being nagged again ... yes .... mum .... but this time round is a totally different issue ... one fine morning mum juz said this to me in chinese ... "you ah ... dun smoke too much" i was like ... huh ... shrug it off ... but instead of the usual denial ... i told her i know lah ... hmmm ... wondering if its really after all these years that she finally realise that i m a smoker ... i mean all along i had the impression that she knows but i make it a point not to cross the line and wun smoke in her presence ... or was i wrong ... ever since then whenever we had time alone together she will nag this issue ... i always play the role of the wrongdoer and kept my silence except for the orh ... i know ... ok lah ... how i wish to simply tell her that i m not those hardcore smoker ... i mean its a social skill and i definately doesnt have much problem not smoking ... to say not addicted may be too full of myself ... but i guess at least i hadnt lost any bets when it comes to stop smoking challenges among frens ... be it days weeks or months ... so i guess i do know where i stand ... i so wanna tell mummy ... "if u trust me u would believe that i know wat i m doing ... if u dun ... watching me 24hrs round the clock isnt going to help" ... i wanted to but i dun wanna make it bigger ... i mean ... the more i say the more complicated it would seems ... so i guess i shall juz leave it ... epic lor i tell u .... imagine early morning keena such 'confrontation' ... but i m wary of how i deal with this ... the last thing i wanna mum to feel is that her son had grown up and she had lost all control over him ... i understand how mum feels after all the years especially after dad passed away ... kids are probably her pillars in life and i certainly dun want her to feel abandoned ...

dad ... i know u love mum alot ... u probably wun leave her to despair ... go into her dream and let her have the faith that ur son know wat he is doing can ? i am helpless at this ...


KeL speaks @11:28 PM                                    _`天注定`_